A Weighty Matter

I'm overweight. The BMI charts and my WiiFit hasten to add that I'm also Obese. I've struggled with my weight from third grade on. I've always wanted to get at the Why I use food for comfort. I seem to think that if I can figure out the loose wire or broken pipe of why I abuse food and then fix it, my trouble with food will be over. A discussion in a church meeting recently made me question that belief. The discussion made me think it was more a matter of attitude. 

We were talking about changing our church. We were talking about fixing it. We were wondering whether or not find the loose wire or broken pipe (knowing the Why) and fixing it would really make  a difference. The pastor asked a couple of questions, one about change and one about attitude, "What does it take to make disciple-makers?" and "Do we even want to?" I had the thought, "I could ask myself the same question about weight loss." I then put a pin in that thought because I was supposed to be thinking about the church not myself. Today I'm getting back to that pin. 

What would it take for me to lose weight permanently? Do I even want to? The answer to the second question should  be a resounding YES, but then I think of the ways I sabotage myself--buying doughnuts "to be nice", getting that milkshake (or candy bar or bag of chips) "because I deserve it". Do I really want to do the hard work necessary to change my life? (Because it will be hard and long--I've over 80 pounds to lose) And if I do, what will it take? 

Where My Cat Sits

When my parents moved to assisted living, we adopted their cat, Frankie. He's a beautiful white Turkish Angora with pink ears and nose and ice blue eyes. His fur is so soft that it's a delight to pat. He purrs loudly to himself and sits on our bed most of the day, until evening. Then, around 10, he stalks downstairs to shoo us up to bed. When we get there, he merows until I lie down. Then he gingerly pads his way up my torso and plops on my chest, folding his front feet under. He sits there purring contentedly until I laugh too much at what Steve says thereby jiggling him or until I turn on my c-pap machine which blows air onto him. It's a routine we've followed since he's moved in. It comforts me. It also takes me back to my past. It reminds me of my cat growing up who would do a similar thing to my Grandma on the couch while she was taking her afternoon nap. I guess that being a cat pillow skips a generation.

Clothes Make the (Wo)man

If you know me or my dearly beloved at all, you know we don't really care about clothes. Steve wears shorts year round (except at work where they frown on that kind of thing), and my favorite shirt is a flowered, multi-colored affair that I've had for almost 20 years.

Steve probably won't change much. I, however, want to revamp my thinking. I just finished reading The Thoughtful Dresser: The Art of Adornment, the Pleasures of Shopping and Why Clothes Matter by Linda Grant. It got me thinking about how I am presenting myself. It wasn't a "how to" book on fashion. It was a discussion about what fashion means to us, how it makes us feel, how history has changed it, and how a really pretty pair of shoes can get us through a tough time. Ms Grant shared her story and also that of Catherine Hill, a holocaust survivor whose love of fashion helped her survive Auschwitz and life afterward. Neither Ms Hill nor Ms Grant saw shopping as the chore I've thought it to be. As with most things, I need to lighten up and have more fun.

I'm not going to turn into some militant fashionista. Steve doesn't need to worry about me draining the bank account to support my clothes-horsiness. In fact, I'm going to only buy stuff that reflects me (or at least, my vision of me). I'm not going to buy something just because it's cheap or practical or pink. This weight loss journey I've been on since December provides the perfect opportunity to test my new ideas. I've already gone down a size and had to buy a few things. So far so good. Now if I can just keep my mutton self from dressing like a lamb to use one of Ms Grant's metaphors, I'll be golden.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 16

Last Song I Heard--I'm listening to Pandora which I love.  If you want to explore new music in genres or styles that you like, Pandora is a wonder.  It has introduced me to so many new bands that I absolutely am jazzed by.  The station I listen to the most is my Manic Street Preachers station.  They form the style that Pandora pulls music for, but they have had so many styles over the years that I get more than just 80's from them.  The last song I heard was Ain't No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 15

Song from the last concert you went to--I enjoyed U2 before I met DH but never followed them as closely as he did.  Since we've been married, we've seen U2 three times, once in Philadelphia, once in Chicago and now once in Baltimore, just a couple weeks ago in fact. I'm going back for the oldie but goodie, Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. 

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 14

A strange song--The strangest song I have on my iPhone is Courtrais by Jon Hassell.  Even the album name is odd, Last Night the Moon Came Dropping its Clothes in the Street.  It's so strange that it isn't even on YouTube! So the song next on my list of songs that normal people don't listen to is Chaiyya Chiayya Bollywood Joint.  I'm actually kinda excited to share this song.  The YouTube video is exceedingly cool! Indians dancing on a moving train surrounded by beautiful scenery.  What more could you want on a Thursday?

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 13

Song I can't help but like--Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus  I hear this song, and I start singing along.  If I'm in my car, I dance in my seat and sing at the top of my lungs; if I'm at home, I dance around the room and sing at the top of my lungs.  DH bought the song for me on iTunes because he was so amused by me.  I know that this song might ruin my music street cred (if I have any), but I can't help it.  It makes me happy!

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 12

A song that reminds you of someone you hate--Hate.  There's no person I currently hate, so I'm going to pick on an insect instead.  The particular little nasty I've found a video for is called a spider or cave cricket.  Ugh! They look like a 6-legged spider and jump like a pogo stick on steroids.  Ugh and bleh!  I kill them with Raid because I can't bring myself to get within stomping distance of them.  When sprayed they have quite the little death scene, jumping all around and on everything trying to escape the poison killing them.  If you've never seen them in person, this video might not have the cringe factor that it does for me imagining them. Ugh, bleh and ehewwwwww! The music played is the theme from Jaws.  Truly appropriate if you've ever done battle with them. Ugh, bleh, ehewwww, and ACK!

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 11

Song that reminds you of a friend-Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi.  Kristy loves Bon Jovi.  She's got all their albums, she's been to their concerts a few times, she's cool like that.  I'm not sure what her favorite Bon Jovi song is, but I chose this one because sometimes it seems that's all we have is prayer.  She's a great believer in it, and I am, too.  This isn't the best version I've heard of the song, but it takes place in New Orleans, LA. Louisiana is one of the two states of the 50 that Kristy hasn't visited.  Perhaps if Bon Jovi plays there next year, she will get that one knocked out, too!

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 10

A third of the way through the Song Challenge.  I'm enjoying this. Hope you are, too!  Today's challenge is a song that reminds you of a family member.  Whenever I hear big band music, I think of my Grandma and Grandpa.  They used to go out dancing, and Grandpa sang as a hobby like I do.  He almost made it big with Paul Whiteman's orchestra,  but he decided to get a job with the gas company so that he could save up and marry Grandma.  I'm glad he made the choice he did.  He was a great man, and I can't wait to see him again in heaven, dancing cheek to cheek with my Grandma to Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller. I miss them both so much.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 9

The song that inspires me by an artist that inspires me-Mighty to Save sung by Jeremy Camp. 

We sing this song fairly regularly in church. Every time we do it seems that God reminds me of another mountain in my life that He is able to move.

Jeremy Camp himself is inspiring, too.  When he was 23, he lost his first wife to ovarian cancer.   My sweet DH dying is my worst nightmare. For Jeremy to not only suffer that so young and to trust God through it amazes me.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 8

The song that gets stuck in my head all the time--Actually I have a theory about songs running through my head. I have found sometimes that the songs that run through my head reflect how I am feeling in some way. 

Even so, I get annoyed by the song eventually.  My DH has a song that will always get an annoying song out of one's head.  The Smurf Song. Of course then you have to get that one out.  There's always the Song that Never Ends!

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 7

The song I hate.  Hate is such a strong word.  I generally don't hate stuff unless I'm being melodramatic.  I was having trouble thinking what song I hate when it hit me.  You Lost That Lovin' Feelin' by any band.  Ugh!  If DH wants to get on my nerves, push my buttons, encourage my crabbiness, he plays that song and laughs.   If they'd only make it in a punk rock version, then it would at least be more musically interesting. Sigh.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 6

A song that makes me laugh--This song makes me hoot.  The video makes it even better.  Please enjoy!

Cows with Guns--The Dead Kennedys

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 5

A song that makes me cry--I'll apologize from the get-go to those of you who dislike country music, and I think that a person could get a pancake breakfast's worth of maple sap from this song.  I love it though, and I'm a hot mess just listening to it to choose the link for this blog.  BTW, I don't have it on my iPod.  I can't see while I'm driving when I cry as hard as I do with this song (every stinking time I hear it, mind you!) She Misses Him on Sunday The Most by Diamond Rio

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 4

Song that makes me smile:  Audio Adrenaline's Big House.

I smile at the debate my DH and I always have when hearing it together. The song has a line about God having a big, big yard where we can play football.  I argue that they mean soccer, what the majority of the world calls football and the game you actually play with your feet.  He argues that it's talking about American football, a game that is misnamed IMHO since players carry the ball in their hands.

I smile wistfully, too, at the simplicity of the song. "All I know is you need love, and I've got a family. . . . Come and go with me to my Father's house." It cuts across ideologies, hang-ups, and anger and highlights the Father's love and desire for everyone to accept His love and hospitality.  I know for most people that Christianity isn't so simple.  It always has been for me.  God loves me, I want to be in heaven with Him, so what do I have to do for that to happen.   Believe that Jesus is Lord and that God raised him from the dead.  I guess this song makes me cry, too, for those who won't/can't believe that truth. 

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 3

The first song I ever heard--My Mom was always playing music.  The first song I remember hearing multiple times was "Drip, Drip, Drop, Little April Showers" from the Bambi soundtrack.  I was 4.  I don't have that on my iPod though, and since that is a stipulation I made for myself, sorry, no Bambi video.  The first song on my iPod I remember hearing is "Just the Two of Us" by Grover Washington, Jr.  I was 8 or 9 and the cool college guy next door played it all the time.  Our houses were a stones throw away, and we both kept our windows open.  I'm probably fortunate that's all I heard at that tender age. 

I have the straight-up Grover Washington, Jr. version and Will Smith's version that he sang about his son, Jaden.  Both are sweet.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 2

The first song I ever heard by my favorite artist: Day 2 and already this list is giving me pause.  Who is my favorite artist?  Who do I always go back to? No idea! 

I enjoy Christian/Worship music.  When my heart is troubled, I head there. When I'm angry I head to metal music, the louder the better, until my equilibrium is reestablished.  I enjoy blues, jazz, rock n' roll, country (gasp!), rap, classical, pop, pretty much whatever.  I listen to any song (a least a bit of it) once.  And if it's music played by a friend, I'm an instant fan!  My husband, Steve, is a lot like that, too, although if you ask him, he'd say that his favorite artist is U2.  Okay, enough dilly dallying and shilly shallying.  I pick Muse as my favorite artist and Super Massive Black Hole as the first song I heard by them.

So, without further ado, Super Massive Black Hole by Muse!

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 1

I've been woefully lacking in blog posts this year.  FourSquare proved easier to log vacation activites, and I've not been knitting much.  Whoops, there go my blog ideas.

A Twitter friend @THESteveDeVries, posted this 30 Day Song Challenge on his blog.  I looked at the topics and thought, "This is doable." All the songs titles will come from my iPod.  I'll be uploading video (hopefully).  Enjoy and join along if you want!

Day 1--My Favorite Song

Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes

Self-sufficiency

Self-sufficiency. Merriam-Webster’s defines it as being able to maintain oneself or itself without outside aid; capable of providing for one's own needs.  I’ve spent my life in self-sufficiency and robbed myself of God’s sustaining grace, the kind of grace that God metes out for dealing with the trials and tribulations of life.   

Most huge things in life are not meant to be dealt with on one’s own.  Instead I am supposed to approach God’s throne with confidence, trust Him during the trial, that the trial has purpose and meaning and that it will bring maturity as He says it will instead of shutting down and not allowing the pain to enter.   

Shutting down makes one numb.  I woke up this morning, and my one thought was that I was numb.  I’m not feeling the pain of my marriage to a wonderful, supportive husband who I will never give up but who doesn’t understand me like I really want to be understood (which hurts although I believe it to be typical), the pain of dealing with two physically needy parents, the pain of not having and, more and more, never having children of my own, even the old pains of having to leave all my friends after 6th grade or further back of my Dad leaving me and my Mom.   

I’m tired of my self-sufficiency.  Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”  James 1:2 -4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  

 So come, pain, wrack my heart with your sharpness during these my trials, but also come, Lord Jesus, send your grace to support me in my trials and bring the perseverance and maturity that You long for me to develop.  And thank you for the  timely sermon from McLean Bible Church’s online church this morning along with the music that softened my heart to listen.