A Weighty Matter

I'm overweight. The BMI charts and my WiiFit hasten to add that I'm also Obese. I've struggled with my weight from third grade on. I've always wanted to get at the Why I use food for comfort. I seem to think that if I can figure out the loose wire or broken pipe of why I abuse food and then fix it, my trouble with food will be over. A discussion in a church meeting recently made me question that belief. The discussion made me think it was more a matter of attitude. 

We were talking about changing our church. We were talking about fixing it. We were wondering whether or not find the loose wire or broken pipe (knowing the Why) and fixing it would really make  a difference. The pastor asked a couple of questions, one about change and one about attitude, "What does it take to make disciple-makers?" and "Do we even want to?" I had the thought, "I could ask myself the same question about weight loss." I then put a pin in that thought because I was supposed to be thinking about the church not myself. Today I'm getting back to that pin. 

What would it take for me to lose weight permanently? Do I even want to? The answer to the second question should  be a resounding YES, but then I think of the ways I sabotage myself--buying doughnuts "to be nice", getting that milkshake (or candy bar or bag of chips) "because I deserve it". Do I really want to do the hard work necessary to change my life? (Because it will be hard and long--I've over 80 pounds to lose) And if I do, what will it take? 

Where My Cat Sits

When my parents moved to assisted living, we adopted their cat, Frankie. He's a beautiful white Turkish Angora with pink ears and nose and ice blue eyes. His fur is so soft that it's a delight to pat. He purrs loudly to himself and sits on our bed most of the day, until evening. Then, around 10, he stalks downstairs to shoo us up to bed. When we get there, he merows until I lie down. Then he gingerly pads his way up my torso and plops on my chest, folding his front feet under. He sits there purring contentedly until I laugh too much at what Steve says thereby jiggling him or until I turn on my c-pap machine which blows air onto him. It's a routine we've followed since he's moved in. It comforts me. It also takes me back to my past. It reminds me of my cat growing up who would do a similar thing to my Grandma on the couch while she was taking her afternoon nap. I guess that being a cat pillow skips a generation.

Clothes Make the (Wo)man

If you know me or my dearly beloved at all, you know we don't really care about clothes. Steve wears shorts year round (except at work where they frown on that kind of thing), and my favorite shirt is a flowered, multi-colored affair that I've had for almost 20 years.

Steve probably won't change much. I, however, want to revamp my thinking. I just finished reading The Thoughtful Dresser: The Art of Adornment, the Pleasures of Shopping and Why Clothes Matter by Linda Grant. It got me thinking about how I am presenting myself. It wasn't a "how to" book on fashion. It was a discussion about what fashion means to us, how it makes us feel, how history has changed it, and how a really pretty pair of shoes can get us through a tough time. Ms Grant shared her story and also that of Catherine Hill, a holocaust survivor whose love of fashion helped her survive Auschwitz and life afterward. Neither Ms Hill nor Ms Grant saw shopping as the chore I've thought it to be. As with most things, I need to lighten up and have more fun.

I'm not going to turn into some militant fashionista. Steve doesn't need to worry about me draining the bank account to support my clothes-horsiness. In fact, I'm going to only buy stuff that reflects me (or at least, my vision of me). I'm not going to buy something just because it's cheap or practical or pink. This weight loss journey I've been on since December provides the perfect opportunity to test my new ideas. I've already gone down a size and had to buy a few things. So far so good. Now if I can just keep my mutton self from dressing like a lamb to use one of Ms Grant's metaphors, I'll be golden.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 16

Last Song I Heard--I'm listening to Pandora which I love.  If you want to explore new music in genres or styles that you like, Pandora is a wonder.  It has introduced me to so many new bands that I absolutely am jazzed by.  The station I listen to the most is my Manic Street Preachers station.  They form the style that Pandora pulls music for, but they have had so many styles over the years that I get more than just 80's from them.  The last song I heard was Ain't No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant.

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 15

Song from the last concert you went to--I enjoyed U2 before I met DH but never followed them as closely as he did.  Since we've been married, we've seen U2 three times, once in Philadelphia, once in Chicago and now once in Baltimore, just a couple weeks ago in fact. I'm going back for the oldie but goodie, Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. 

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 14

A strange song--The strangest song I have on my iPhone is Courtrais by Jon Hassell.  Even the album name is odd, Last Night the Moon Came Dropping its Clothes in the Street.  It's so strange that it isn't even on YouTube! So the song next on my list of songs that normal people don't listen to is Chaiyya Chiayya Bollywood Joint.  I'm actually kinda excited to share this song.  The YouTube video is exceedingly cool! Indians dancing on a moving train surrounded by beautiful scenery.  What more could you want on a Thursday?

30 Day Song Challenge--Day 13

Song I can't help but like--Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus  I hear this song, and I start singing along.  If I'm in my car, I dance in my seat and sing at the top of my lungs; if I'm at home, I dance around the room and sing at the top of my lungs.  DH bought the song for me on iTunes because he was so amused by me.  I know that this song might ruin my music street cred (if I have any), but I can't help it.  It makes me happy!